Monday, January 30, 2012

That's My Hudson!

A good friend of mine shared this video with me yesterday and I just had to share it with you.  It spoke so deeply to my heart, to the very core of why I long for a child so far away.  Not just to add another birth stone to my mother's ring, but because they need rescued.  The speaker is much more eloquent than I.  It is very powerful.  It says so much!

Get Ready Homestudy, here we come!

We just got confirmation that we were indeed approved to proceed with our homestudy.  We have been accepted into the Taiwan Adoption Program!!!!  Praise be to God!!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

For the Birds

This winter our family put out our first bird feeder.  Just two bagel halves slathered in peanut butter and dipped in seed.  We hung it up in front of our picture window and waited, anticipating a throng of beautiful birds to come and nibble before our very eyes.  Well, we waited more than two days without even so much as a peck.  So we decided that maybe we should pray and ask God to help the birds find the food.  And that is very much how the prayer went, "Dear God, please help the birdys find the food. Amen." and so we prayed and we waited.  Until one day the bagels were all gone!  This was not exaclty the outcome poor Levi had expected when he prayed.  What he really had meant was he did want the birds to find the food, but he also wanted to witness the feeding.

We have since upgraded to a fancy plastic feeder that looks like a barn full of delicious seeds, thanks to a very thoughtful Mom Mom.  And each day we watch as cardinals, finches, red headed woodpeckers and even squirels come to feed. 

Look at the birds of the air;
they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
 and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. 
 Are you not much more valuable than they?
Matthew 6:26

Yesterday we resubmitted our formal application to our adoption agency after having it declined for our intended country.  We took a closer look at everything we own and we put a value on it, hoping that it would bring up our total net worth and balance out the dive our home took along with everyone elses.

And why do you worry about clothes? 
 See how the lilies of the field grow.  They do not labor or spin. 
 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 
 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
 and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:28-29,33

Regardless of what we look like on paper I can rest assured in who's I am and not just at what I own.  I trust that whatever decision is made now by our agency that God will use this to bring us just one step closer to his plan.

Many, O Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
Psalm 40:5

Much like the birds, I am unable to care for myself without the help of a loving heavenly father.  So even though I am a little anxious, I'm trying to trust in His timing.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand,
 that he may lift you up in due time. 
 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1Peter 5:6-7

Monday, January 23, 2012

Like a child

There are moments, sometimes long moments in my life that I doubt!  I hide it so very well.  I portray the image of a faith that can move mountains.  I hear God speak, and then the moment I see signs that might be to the contrary I doubt Him.  I am Peter walking on the water out to Jesus.  Staring in the very eyes of Christ when suddenly I realize my current circumstances and then I'm sinking.  I am sinking into the sea of doubt.  Jesus has given me power and strength and promises that are too numerous to count and even still I wonder.  Did I hear him right?  Is this really the plan?  I am embarrassed. 

In the days leading up to taking the first step I kept thinking of the spies who were sent out to survey the Promised Land who came back very discouraged, convinced that they were no match for the giants in the land.  "Oh Lord" I prayed "let me not feel that way, give me courage". 

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouragd, for the Lord your God 
will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9 

And for a few days that is exactly what I do.  I walk confident in the promises of God and in the assurance that this is indeed the plan and GOD will make a way.  Then the forms come, the financial statements are filled out and my analytical brain says there is NO way we are right for this.  We don't have debt paid off, we need a better paying job, we need more savings and I see the ocean swirling around me and NOT the face of Christ.  This is the part I hide.  My faith is sure and strong, these doubts must belong to someone else!  I pride myself in believing that what people see in me IS the real me, I'm not ashamed of my faults because I know that in Christ they are forgiven. But that lack of FAITH , it belongs to me too! 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other
 so that you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5:16

It always amazes me how God speaks through my children's devotional time.  Part of our homeschool curriculum is a daily Bible lesson, and though I have heard the story of the little children coming to Jesus many times it spoke to me in a new way today.  In my doubting moment it brought peace and comfort.

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them,
 for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 
I tell you the truth,
 anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God
 like a little child will never enter it."
Luke 18:16-17

Dear Lord,

Let me have the faith of a little child, to believe with all my heart in your promises.  To believe without restraint or hesitation simply becasue of who you are, not because of who I am. 


Thursday, January 19, 2012

Why now, why her?

At a time like this when many have heard me sigh with exhaustion; why would we even be considering adopting? We already have three beautiful boys, with the youngest not even walking. We live in a modest size house, on one income AND I'm busy homeschooling! Sound Crazy?

These very reasons for opposition I believe are what God is using to make it possible. For nothing is impossible with God! We have a loving and caring home, small in size yet built on the most solid of foundations: Jesus Christ. My husband has a job, to the glory of God, when so many in these times go with out employment. My sometimes crazy and chaotic life because of three young boys are the very same boys who are the best of friends and the tightest of brothers. And I am blessed to be home with them as they grow in faith and knowledge. What better place is there to bring a child home to, that has no other home to call her own or parents, or brothers?

So why her? At this moment the little girl who has captured my heart to the very core I cannot even claim. Until much more paperwork is done we cannot be matched with her. More waiting. Again we trust in God's divine plan. She is a "waiting child" with moderate special needs, namely her age. She has a bright smile and dark eyes and in September of 2011 she turned 5. I long to bring her home. From the very moment I saw her, I wanted to be her mom! I had been pouring over the faces of children on Reeces Rainbow hoping that God would speak and make one stand out to me. There are just so many children that need homes and being a mother is ALL I have ever wanted to do or aspire to be and so I hurt for those without a mother or a father.

Though I believe God has planned a beautiful future for her it does not end with her simply being adopted into a family with a mom and a dad and three crazy brothers. He has in mind A GREATER LOVE, a love only he can give, a love freely given to HIS heirs!

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! 
 And that is what we are!
This is how he showed his love among us: 
He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.
  This is love; 
 not that we loved God,
 but that he loved us and sent his Son as an antoining sacrifice for our sins.
1John 3:1, 4:9-10 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Heart of a Child

Always before bed we sing and we pray and usually the boys decide that is the best time to chit chat with the Momma.  So in my conversation with Ty tonight and my request to pray about our adoption, he said that he wanted to set up a lemonade stand at our "waiting for warmer weather" yard sale.  He also said that he had a few things he didn't need that could be sold as well to help us raise money!  My heart is moved by the love that my 7 year old has for a child he has not even met, a child literally on the other side of the globe.  He is confident that if we do these simple things it WILL be enough.  Isn't that really what God expects of us adults too?  Doesn't He long for us to simply give our hearts to him and trust that He will provide? 

The writer of Hebrews says this in chapter 11 on Faith "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."  Hebrews 11:1,8. 

Now how many of us are willing to submit, to faithfully follow into the unknown?  I pray that in this faithfully following; God soften my heart and help me to except that I need not know every detail, every outcome, every answer.  This is uncharted territory for me!  I'm on a need to know basis.  Ask my dad!  Growing up he called me Ruth Knows All, Tells All.  I'm not sure so much has changed for me in that department, but I'm certain it must change on this journey.

Buckle your seat belts!  Secure all loose items!  The ride is about to begin!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Waiting

On the days that I need a little extra courage or just that reminder of hope I turn to Psalms and once again I am reassured, "I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Ps. 27:13-14

It has not been a particularly hard day I just feel ansy, eager to get moving, to do something, anything to speed the process along.  To finally hear the answer to a couple of prayers Chris and I have laid before the Lord and yet what we hear is wait.  In the quiet I hear God saying, wait, be still, be patient and there it is again that word.....wait........Lord how long must we wait for you to reveal your plan?  How long must we wait to see your goodness?  How long must we wait to see our child so far away?  If you have been on the road of adoption you have probably asked those same questions many times. 

I simply must close my eyes and cry out to God for the strength to do the very thing my heart does not want to do, wait.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:
 that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
Ps. 27:4

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Journey Begins

This is our journey to rescue a child and to teach her a greater love than even a mother and father can have for a child.  This is a love story of a great God and the love he has for his children.  I soon realized this was not simply about God's love for one little girl, for His desire to have her in a family, but also the journey that it would take us on to bring us closer to Him and to each other.  This will be a long and sometimes treacherous road, but still an expedition that would lead us straight into the arms of love.