Monday, January 23, 2012

Like a child

There are moments, sometimes long moments in my life that I doubt!  I hide it so very well.  I portray the image of a faith that can move mountains.  I hear God speak, and then the moment I see signs that might be to the contrary I doubt Him.  I am Peter walking on the water out to Jesus.  Staring in the very eyes of Christ when suddenly I realize my current circumstances and then I'm sinking.  I am sinking into the sea of doubt.  Jesus has given me power and strength and promises that are too numerous to count and even still I wonder.  Did I hear him right?  Is this really the plan?  I am embarrassed. 

In the days leading up to taking the first step I kept thinking of the spies who were sent out to survey the Promised Land who came back very discouraged, convinced that they were no match for the giants in the land.  "Oh Lord" I prayed "let me not feel that way, give me courage". 

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouragd, for the Lord your God 
will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9 

And for a few days that is exactly what I do.  I walk confident in the promises of God and in the assurance that this is indeed the plan and GOD will make a way.  Then the forms come, the financial statements are filled out and my analytical brain says there is NO way we are right for this.  We don't have debt paid off, we need a better paying job, we need more savings and I see the ocean swirling around me and NOT the face of Christ.  This is the part I hide.  My faith is sure and strong, these doubts must belong to someone else!  I pride myself in believing that what people see in me IS the real me, I'm not ashamed of my faults because I know that in Christ they are forgiven. But that lack of FAITH , it belongs to me too! 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other
 so that you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5:16

It always amazes me how God speaks through my children's devotional time.  Part of our homeschool curriculum is a daily Bible lesson, and though I have heard the story of the little children coming to Jesus many times it spoke to me in a new way today.  In my doubting moment it brought peace and comfort.

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them,
 for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 
I tell you the truth,
 anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God
 like a little child will never enter it."
Luke 18:16-17

Dear Lord,

Let me have the faith of a little child, to believe with all my heart in your promises.  To believe without restraint or hesitation simply becasue of who you are, not because of who I am. 


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