God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose.
After much rejoicing came a moment of realization. I sat in the chair of our church intently listening to the pastor preach about following where God is leading and not dismissing it as your call or not the right time when it hit me! Suddenly the previous days oh hum feeling and this mornings out of sorts nature stemmed from one very real emotion: I was terrified of where God was leading!
Days before I was practically doing cart wheels down the hallway over finally having some direction. I pride myself in handling the truth and reality opposed to the ugliness of the unknown, but as Scripture says, your pride will go before the fall. As I sat with tears streaming down my cheeks I felt as if I were flat of my face beseeching God for the strength to follow him. You see this new adventure God had planned was not all that new. We have trudged this long hard path before. This was plan B for us, but God bumped it right up to plan A!
While Chris waited to hear back from potential employers he toyed around with the idea of going back to school. IF and that was a very big IF, no other job came, then maybe he should continue going to school, a decision many others have been left with in this kind of economy. His company would pay for school, but it would be a huge time commitment and without a raise, he would have the continued stress of a pretty tight budget at home.
One college seemed to stand out both for it's academics, but also for it's strong commitment to Christ, Crown College. It has been our policy for a long time that we knock on doors and we let God open or close them and so Chris applied to their MBA program. At what seemed like lightening speed and days before they had projected Crown accepted his application and automatically enrolled him in the first 2 classes! I thought this last part was kind of funny since I had asked Chris to see if he could delay starting if he got accepted, God must have gotten a good laugh!
Did I mention I am not good with not knowing? I finally felt relieved, we could start the next adventure! Then the phone rang. And the flood gates of heaven opened. Chris got a call for an interview for a job he thought he had been passed over for. School and an interview! It was almost too much excitement. That night I kept the kids as quite as possible while Chris sat in the back room on the phone with a man several states away.
The next day Chris calls our bank to see if they will reconsider a home loan for our family. As you can imagine things are getting a little cozy in our rambler with 4 growing boys. I tried not to get my hopes up because we have been told banks may not consider our rental income since we are unable to sell and yada, yada, yada. I have been working on being content where I am. Then another phone call. Chris calls to say we got pre-approved! Sometimes God's goodness is overwhelming.
Did I also mention that friends of ours are moving this summer and that they have blessed us with an awesome deal on their house? It is more than we could have hoped for and such a wonderful gift! The timing is all God. A new job for them, a move for us, retirement for Chris's mom and BAM renters and grandparents in town for us! Only God can line things up like that.
Things really just seemed to be coming together and with or without a new job we were moving this summer. Then the phone rang. The call Chris had anxiously been waiting for, the one saying "you are the man for the job" finally came!
I am so glad I surrendered my fear to God that Sunday morning because walking in obedience even on a hard and difficult road is far easier than tuning your heart from God's leading. Trying to work through all my emotions of the morning I told Chris it would just be so much easier for him not to go to school and not to move, but clearly God has other plans and all it took was for us to walk through one open door to see it.