Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Emotional Pain

Even after 8 months of being home sometimes the pain of being away from the only home Toby knew is almost too much for him to bear.  Despite the pain and ridicule he suffered for being different, for being deaf compared to the safety of a family and the love of parents, he misses the orphanage.  I thought that this realization would crush me as a mother, but I believe God is opening my heart to a different kind of love.

He has yet to open up to me.  He won't talk to me about what hurts, what he misses, why he screams.  I so badly want to know how to help, but all I can do for now is love him with a different kind of love than the world offers.

I want to tell him that God gave him a family and we have, but I sometimes think he sees that as a bad thing.  His family sets boundaries, his family looks different than him, his family speaks a different language than him.  Though we try, sometimes we just don't understand each other.

The joy of rescuing a child from orphanage life will only carry you so far.  The fuzzy feelings wear off, the excitement of a new child diminishes and life continues.  The trick is finding joy in it all.

A friend of mine challenged me to memorize the first chapter of the book of James with her.  So far I'm 4 verses in.  James gets right to the point though in verse 2, "Consider it PURE joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds."

The trials are coming and will continue till the day Jesus returns to take us to  an even better home than a family can give an orphan, a heavenly home full of everlasting joy!

Please consider joining me and my friend in memorizing this first chapter of James.  I'll check in from time to time and let you know how it's going.