I get really grumpy leading up to visitation and court dates.
I struggle with how to comfort my foster children when they miss their family without feeling offended.
I want them to like me. I want them to stay. I want their family to get better, but I want them to stay.
I take it so personal when they don't like the food I cook and only want McDonald's.
I pout like a toddler sometimes because I don't know how to deal with all these emotions going on inside me.
I don't want to get attached.
I hate not knowing what is going to happen.
I don't know how to protect my other children from the influence that these children bring with them.
I don't have enough time to spend with each child and so I withdraw from all of them.
God is bigger and He is enough. I know this in my head. I see the words in my Bible that tell me this is true. I believe that I am sinful and not enough, but that Jesus really is enough for me. I sang that in church last week.
In this moment and in the days leading up to things like court feeling and knowing are very different. Jesus you know what I need right now. Let me see you!